This heat stinks. It’s the sweaty back that really gets me. Anytime you need to ‘peel’ your clothing off is a shit time to be alive. It can only be compared to floating down a stream naked and blind-folded, heading toward a waterfall with a banana in your mouth. Have you ever been in a situation like that? Un-comfortable, to say the least.
In other news, my gay kiwi housemate Joseph apparently kissed a Maori once and compared it to, “making out with a water bed”.
I also saw Sophia Coppola walking along Spring St in SoHo last week. I wasn’t heading anywhere in particular so I decided to follow her from the safety of the opposite sidewalk. I called a friend and said, “Hey man! I’m following Sophia Coppola! What should I do?” And he said, “Just walk up to her and ask her to show you her tits.”
“What the fuck man? I can’t do that!”
“Yeah you can. Just go up to her and say, ‘Hey Sophia! I love all your films. Can you show me your tits? I’m not going to take a photo. If we hide no one will know. It’ll just be for me. Whaddya think?’”
“That’s ridiculous man. I’m not gonna do that.”
Then she opened the door of an apartment building and disappeared inside.
Shortly after, I got drunk and almost got a tattoo.